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Review of "POMPEII"
By Jayne Waterford
Copyrighted © Jayne Waterford, 2014. Written 26th March 2014. Revised 31st March 2014. Revised 31st March 2014.
REVIEW: "POMPEII" by Jayne Waterford

Great to see: Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), Dad (Jared Harris), Mom (Carrie-Anne Moss) and Cassia (Emily Browning) was very pretty. (Such lewd girls the Brownings.) Versuvius? Gorgeous.

It feels like an episode of J. Wades' "RIVER MONSTERS" (most of them). There is nothing wrong with that, however as a linear plot with an inevitable conclusion which dispensed with characters by throwing them back along the way "POMPEII" did not surpass television's, "ROME," which seems to have been an issue for them. It was like the writer went for a tour of the dig and wrote it up slapping a big kiss on the end. Unfortunately, the sparks and fury seemed to stop ten feet after they stopped for a pash. And the bogus statue the camera caresses as we make ready to leave? I felt cheated. Lied to!

The music certainly was more upbeat than Hans Zimmer's music for Ridley Scott's "GLADIATOR" (2000). The performances were as stiff as Nurse (Lesley Manville)'s in Carlo Carlei's "ROMEO & JULIET" (2013). Wait for it to come out on television, if you're not busy. One got the feeling that they kept pulling back on story for budgetary reasons.

The oration to Vulcan didn't make any sense at all. Keifer Sullivan couldn't bully his way out of a paper bag, or worse still, doesn't want to because he doesn't like bullying.

Bodies of gladiators pile in the arena as if we who watch The History Channel don't know any better.

Horses panic and look like something Barbie would ride and inexplicably, her horse, returns just before the ruin of all. Must have had hair in its head.

I did not have to go to the cinema to see this. Well I did. But you don't.

2/10

Copyrighted ©: Jayne Waterford, 2014.


Paul W.S. Anderson's
"POMPEII" (2014)
A CITY WILL FALL A HERO WILL RISE
Director Paul W.S. Anderson
Producers Paul W.S. Anderson, Jeremy Bolt, Don Carmody, Robert Kulzer, Martin Moszkowicz
Stars Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), Dad (Jared Harris), Mom (Carrie-Anne Moss), Cassia (Emily Browning) and The Celt (Kit Harington)
Release Date 20th March 2014
Category Fantasy War Action
Running Time 98 minutes (1 hour, 38 minutes)
Rating M
Origin Pompeii, USA
Coda No

Distributor Icon Film Distribution
Official Blurb "Romance, adventure and a natural disaster of cataclysmic proportions collide headlong in "POMPEII", director Paul W. S. Anderson’s epic
recreation of one of the ancient world’s most compelling tragedies.

Set in 79 A.D., "POMPEII" tells the heroic story of Milo (Kit Harington), a slave turned invincible gladiator who finds himself in a race against time to save his true love, Cassia (Emily Browning), the beautiful daughter of a wealthy merchant who has been unwillingly betrothed to a corrupt Roman Senator. As Mount Vesuvius erupts in a torrent of blazing lava, Milo must fight his way out of the arena in order to save his beloved as the once magnificent Pompeii crumbles around him." - Icon Film Distribution PR

Atticus YAAAYYY!!! Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje whom I'm sure you remember as Lock-Nah in Stephen Sommers' "THE MUMMY RETURNS" (2001) and his bff short-ass (Kit Harington), after the style of one white dude with a best bro bud Juba (Djimon Hounsou) in Ridley Scott's "GLADIATOR" (2000).
The family portrait with the unwelcome-wanabe-son-in-law.
CUNT
THE END